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The Women Who Rode Away

by Natalia Zukerman

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1.
I’d like to know just one mountain From the highest peak to the lowest canyon I’d paint it every day In every possible way Until I could paint that mountain with just one line I’d like to know just one person Half as well as I know my mountain Even though we'll change After all we’re made of clay 
I know inside you, there is a mine How can I stand here and promise forever Some things are better in pictures that there are no words for You are the sky And I am the weather So let's promise forever One day at a time I’d like to wake up just one morning To find the world is done firing its warning But when they’re calling out your name Are you gonna ride away Or stay here and die trying How can I stand here and promise forever Some things are better in pictures that there are no words for You are the sky And I am the weather So let’s promise forever One day at a time
2.
I had a feminist art teacher when I was 14 years old Made me think about things for the first time She scared me shitless, she was so fearless and bold And I think she might have saved my young life She talked about parties in the 60's where women learned to love their bodies Their symbol was a little white dove Everyone would gather nearer and look in the long mirror And see themselves with a new kind of love With a new kind of love A new kind of love A new kind of love She gave me books so that I'd know about Audre Lorde and Frida Kahlo She took me to my first gay pride march And even though I hadn't the faintest that I too might be an artist  And things wouldn't always be so dark I'd know a new kind of love I'd find a new kind of love I'd know all kinds of love My mom asked what I was doing for hours alone in my room  And had I seen her compact mirror case It took years for me to look though I'd already had a lover So why did alone feel so unsafe? I need a new kind of love Bring me a new kind of love I need a new kind of love I've learned to love my time alone I love the people I meet on the road I even love the love I've lost And to the love I have yet to know Bring me a new kind of love I had a feminist art teacher when I was 14 years old And I think she might have saved my young life.
3.
Broad field, bright flower, long white road; My feet to follow, my heart to hold No one speaks to me, can you? No one speaks to me Old mill, gray shipyard New England where winter is king Weathered faces turn to watch the sea No one speaks to me, can you? No one speaks to me… Can you make the most of this, your little day Your little month Your half a year As you struggle on Vows bend and break A grave is such a quiet place I am not big enough to love the way I do What will you do with me now? Keep me doing things, keep me from doing things Keep your things out of the way And don’t stay too long Red hair, green eyes, His stubborn mouth and chin She said if we did better he might come back then But who ever does better? Can you? Whoever does My head, a howling wilderness The creaking of the tented sky They’ll try to name you, claim you, tame you You who suffered death but could not die Whoever does better? Can you? Whoever does… Can you make the most of this, your little day Your little month Your half a year As you struggle on Vows bend and break A grave is such a quiet place I am not big enough to love the way I do What will you do with me now Keep me doing things Keep me from doing things Keep your things out of the way And don’t stay too long It is a wild thing To live out on the edge of everything Make the most of this, your little day Your little month Your little half a year Struggle on Bend and break A grave is such a quiet place I am not big enough to love the way I do What will you do with me now? Keep me doing things Keep me from doing things Keep your things out of the way No one speaks to me, can you? 
No one speaks to me, can you? Broad field, bright flower, long white road My feet to follow, my heart to hold…
4.
The body is heroic It can learn and unlearn to think Erasing like magic marker What is written in permanent ink Dreams become a reservoir Blank canvas on an easel Wild and feral Images ancestral I haven’t had that one in a long time You in grey stripes and skeleton The dirty cot you’re lying in I’ve had that one over and over again But those white men marching in the streets Made my heart skip a beat And when I went to sleep You were all that I could see If telling this story makes it real Then it’s my duty to repeat it It might turn out we need it In order to survive I hope you’re never asked to choose To tell on a friend or neighbor They must have promised her they'd save her My worst fear is my best guess All we have is this old picture And no idea what she was doing there With stiff wool suits and stiff salutes And a baby at her breast But they took her anyway Marched her family to the grave While the death orchestra played If telling this story makes it real Then it’s my duty to repeat it It might turn out we need it In order to survive In order to survive I have a cousin who’s a painter I come from a family of makers Me and him paint the same things Even though we’ve never met Gruesome and beautiful Fear and cortisol Running stronger through us now Like that instinct to survive…. If telling this story makes it real Then it’s my duty to repeat it It might turn out we need it In order to survive
5.
Joyful Noise 03:31
40 days and 40 nights Guess you had some things to figure out If thine is the kingdom and the glory Why wait til later start now This train is gone I saw it leave the station I've been waiting down by the riverside You can always take the next one They said I played just like a man What do you want that to mean? This is just what I sound like when I’m not even trying Sometimes laughing sounds a lot like crying Dressed up in Sunday morning With one foot still in Saturday night It was good enough for Jerry Lee and Johnny You know I raised those boys up right They said that I look just like a man What do you want that to mean? This is just what I look like when nobody’s watching Sometimes laughing looks a lot like crying They say the Lord smiles down on those that make a joyful noise Even when we turn from Him in doubt So Shout sister shout Let the tears and laughter out A windmill and a wail Somewhere there’s a sinner needs some saving Whether you win or whether you fail You got a song worth singing They said that I sang just like a man What do you want that to mean? This is just what I sound like when I’m not even trying I was laughing just to keep from Laughing just to keep from Sometimes laughing is the same thing as crying
6.
Four wheels move the body Yours is moved by two I have never been happier Just moving furniture around a room In every inch and every corner In every picture I’m already older Than you were then Oh, the things you knew back when If you could ride in the rain You could go anywhere You could see more clearly passing by And I’d hide all along And act like I don’t care And just ride faster than angels can fly Oh, the broken yellow line You’ve got all those street lights timed No more stopping and starting, starting and stopping From me to you You don’t so much as leave a trail As mark your territory I think I love you but you scare me I think I love you cuz you scare me When you ride in the rain You can go anywhere You could see more clearly passing by And I hide all along And act like I don’t care And just ride faster than angels can fly Oh, St. Christopher! Give me a minute just to look at her Oh, my appetite! Home in my quitters on a Friday night Oh, my fickle heart! Don’t make me go and miss this part Don’t make me go and miss this part Don’t make me go… Is it the chrome or the precision? Is it the doubt or the decision? Drunk from the air that’s in her mouth Water on her lips and all around Ride in the rain Ride in the rain, oh St. Christopher Ride in the rain Give me a minute just to look at her Ride in the rain
7.
Jane Avril 02:52
Yes you can can, Jane Avril Show them all how it’s done One glimpse of stocking is still a thrill When you don’t see how many times they’re mended Yes you can can, Jane Avril A feather boa and some fraying silk You lift your skirt and their hearts stood still You made them think this is what they’re missing Oh, what you put on You took it off so you don’t have to take it home So you moved down to The Strip Only way you could think to keep on dancing All swaying body and bright red lips You still find those lights enchanting Sometimes you like it more than you know you should Mostly it’s a game of grin and bear it Sweaty, fat hands with dollar bills A gold band should sit where those tan lines faded Oh, what you take off And put back on before you get back What happens here stays here The one who says that is never the one waiting Je m’appelle La Melinite Je ne suis q’un tout petite femme mais dans un feu immense Oh, what you put on And take back off before you get back Oh, what you put on You took it off so you don’t have to take it home Yes you can can, Jane Avril Show them all how it’s done
8.
Purple Glow 05:04
I told you I had a friend’s wedding to go to almost every other weekend And you said, “Sounds better than the funerals I’ve been going to lately” All your friends were gone and you were still downhill skiing Just point your feet in one direction, there’s no stopping you We drove around the lower east side looking for the house you were born in You said, “Right here on Rivington is where we’d play kick the can.” You said, “It’s changed so much. I’m not even sure that house is still standing.” And then we decided that any old house would do Because a house is just a place to hold your memories Oh the lives that you lived in over a century The things you kept hidden and the things that you let go They’re surrounding you now in a purple glow I always thought you knew the name of every single flower Because with one crooked finger you would point and with authority you would say it’s name At your 90th birthday your friend told me, “She’s cheating at scrabble!” You said, “If you wanna play the game by my rules, I’ll show you how” When you started getting confused I came to help you clean out your closets You said, “I wanted you to have that coat. When will I go out fancy-like? Maybe once?” I like to think it’s the coat you wore when Grandpa took you out dancing on the weekends Oh, how I know you two are dancing now Things are just a way to hold your memories What I wouldn’t give to read your diaries The things about you that I will never know They’re surrounding you now in a purple glow Times were hard, you were a difficult mother You made choices for your life when there were really no others A painter, a potter, a sculptor, a dancer This is the way I always saw her This is the way I always saw her This is the way I always saw you In the light that surrounds you There is a purple light It is royal and bright Powerful and beaming And it’ll hold you now You showed me how To shine so bright You shine so bright You shine so bright This is the way I’ll hold your memory The way that you’ll live on inside me You are the sweetest, softest adagio That’s you, my Grandmother That’s your purple glow
9.
Pop Tarts 03:31
I like to talk to people In line at the grocery store It’s way to practice patience A way to practice letting go People buy a lot of pop tarts But who am I to judge? Look at me with more than I deserve More than I ever dreamed of Take pills from Friday to Thursday I get so mad when I’m tired I’ve never been a gardener But I’m gonna plant some flowers I promise I won’t be here long enough To be a pain in the ass Maybe I should eat more pop tarts Maybe you should have more laughs When I say Why me? Why not me? Why me? Life is nothing like a folk song It bends and it jumps It even goes backwards sometimes A process you can’t interrupt Just like that hurricane Took nothing that couldn’t be replaced There’s a great chance for renewal When what you thought you needed gets erased Like the day I heard those wind chimes And they told me you were gone “Gone where?” is what I asked them Without you how would the world keep spinning on? Into the sunlight of the spirit There are things I did expect Maybe this is my legacy Maybe this is what I manifest When I say Why me? Why not me? Why me? And I still have that inky purple letter I read it again the other day You said I made a difference Did I make a difference? You said I made a difference and you’d remember me that way And I say: Why me? Why not me? Why me? Why not me?
10.
It’s a good thing You didn’t come today The world Is in a terrible place What makes me think I could take care of you anyway? It’s a good thing You decided to wait But there are apples on the tree in the yard They’re sweet and we can eat them in the shade The geese are getting ready to fly south I saw them wobbly and then I saw them steady They are ready as they’ll ever be What will I tell you About this world we’re in? The brutality and the prisons The hatred and the divisions between us But we all watched the sun get swallowed by the moon That magic moment could not have come a moment too soon The leaves are turning from green to red and gold I see them holding on and then I see them letting go When they are ready Birds and bees and flowers still conspire Seeds are bursting out of their shells in those fires And as hard as they will try We will still have lullabies I will protect you The best I can You are safe here, you belong here As long as I’m here I will always hold your hand There are Monarchs on their path to Mexico And fuzzy little caterpillars doing their best to cross the road Did they get left behind? Or are they trying to find What’s inside them all along They are ready I am ready Ready As I’ll ever be
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credits

released February 1, 2019

Credits:

Natalia Zukerman : guitar, vocals
Mona Tavakoli : cajon, drums, percussion
Craig Akin : electric, upright and fretless bass
Eve Sicular : drums (4)
Pam Fleming : flugelhorn (4)
Debra Kreisberg : clarinet (4)
Dave Hofstra : bass (4)
Glen Phillips : vocals (1)
Meg Hutchinson : vocals (3)
Garrison Starr : vocals (5,9)
Susan Werner : piano (7)
Meghan Toohey : guitar (6)
Elana Arian : violin (1)

Engineered, mixed and mastered by Mark Dann in NYC and Woodstock, NY at Mark Dann Studios
Produced by Natalia Zukerman

Cover illustration: Natalia Zukerman

Record design and layout: Liz Kalloch

All songs written by Natalia Zukerman and published by Natalia Zukerman Publishing 2019 (ASCAP) EXCEPT:

Pop Tarts written by Natalia Zukerman and Beth Carlozzi as part of Songs For The Soul, INC (song-soul.org)

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Natalia Zukerman Brooklyn, New York

Musician, painter and educator Natalia Zukerman grew up in New York City, studied art at Oberlin, started her mural business Off The Wall in San Francisco, began her songwriting career in Boston, and now resides, writes, plays, teaches and paints in Brooklyn, NY. ... more

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